Source: Class is in Session
Every day we have thoughts some good, some bad and some indifferent. The question is what do you do when you have such thoughts. I was recently in counseling getting help with some anxiety issues I was dealing with, while in counseling I learned that I also had issues with controlling my emotions and part of that was because I didn’t know what to do with my thoughts I would have all kinds of thoughts and they would freak me out because not only did I have a lot of unwanted thoughts but they were racing a million miles per hour. After explaining these issues with my counselor she felt that DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy would do me a lot of good and boy was she right. This therapy which also included a book helped me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling it was simply because I didn’t have any control over my thoughts and as a result it lead to how I felt and manifested itself in my behavior. This is part of what I learned, I have to be careful about my thoughts because they can lead to unwanted emotions and later to bad behavior. Before I got involved in therapy and learned new ways of dealing with my thoughts and emotions, I would constantly fight what I was thinking and feeling, once I got involved with therapy I quickly learned that fighting your thoughts was not a healthy way to deal. Here a few coping strategies I learned, first, Radical Acceptancecceptance this means rather than pointing the finger and blaming others or yourself just simply accept things as they are, this doesn’t mean you agree it just means you understand why things are the way they are, because you chose to look at things in a different light. Secondly was distress tolerance this strategy taught me that I just need to tolerate what I was feeling and the thoughts I was having. Some thoughts make us so uncomfortable till we just hate to deal with them and we do everything in our will power to avoid those thoughts, but if we can just learn to just allow ourselves to have these thoughts without being critical or judgemental of ourselves we will learn that these thoughts and emotions will soon fade a way. Lastly I learned to replace bad thoughts with good ones, in other words when I have a bad thought I just remind myself that these or just my thoughts they will soon fade like the waves in the sea. Remember when I stated that my thoughts was also racing a million miles per hour well I learned how to handle that by just being mindful of what was going on with my mind body and soul and in doing so it helped me relax and once relaxed my thoughts was soon slowed down. Once I was able to get my thoughts under control I noticed I started feeling a lot better and because my emotions was better my behavior changed. Once my thoughts and emotions was under control my relationship with God got better besides how can one have a healthy spiritual life if their thoughts and emotions are running wild.
As we all know by now former Alabama senator Jeff Sessions is in some serious trouble. The current United States Attorney general in the Trump adminstration has been under much scrutiny for his tie…
Source: Class is in Session
OK it’s about that time, the biggest college basketball tournament of the year is about to go down. It’s March so the madness is now happening with this week being championship week and the biggest rivalry in college basketball that took place today, The Duke Blue devils and the North Carolina Tarhills, this has been a rivalry every since I was a kid and it’s just as good now as it was then. In my opinion this rivalry kicks off the tournament. I have been keeping up with some of the big games and as far as I can tell this March Madness tournament is going to be pretty darn good. Some power house universities such as North Carolina, Kansas, Villanova, Gonzaga and Organ are the teams most will be paying attention to, I know I will, but with that being said I wouldn’t sleep on schools like Georgia Tech, UCLA, and First timer Jacksonville State and I’m not talking Jacksonville FL. The school from Jacksonville Alabama is in the tournament for the first time, who knows one of these underdogs could reach the top after all it is March Madness and there have been plenty of Cinderella teams coming up. I will keep my eyes glued to the TV this year cause it is definitely going to be some madness this March and I don’t want to miss a bit of it and if you think that I will you have lost your mind.
It’s time for the madness
As we all know by now former Alabama senator Jeff Sessions is in some serious trouble. The current United States Attorney general in the Trump adminstration has been under much scrutiny for his ties with Russian leaders, he and Trump has said many times that they had no ties with the Russians but in my Maury Povich voice the lie detector determined that was a lie. As it turns out Sessions had a number of meetings with those Russians. That’s no surprise to me in fact I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone, unless you are Stevie Wonder you could see that the Trump adminstration and the Russians are homies so the statement that Sessions made about not having any dealings with the Russians is like me saying I’m not black but you are looking right at me. This how I felt about Sessions and The Trump adminstration dealings with the Russian leaders. I don’t know till this day what a bold face lier is but I definitely heard it a lot coming up because apparently I was one. Now Jeff Sessions has took on that roll of being a bold face lier, so as a result he has to recuse himself from his roll as Attorney general because the office has no room for both rolls. He is either going to be the Attorney general or a Bold face lier but he can’t be both he has to pick one.
I am very excited about this 2017 NFL draft why? you might ask, well let’s just say it’s a lot of Heavy Hitters coming out in his draft to name a few Leonard fournette, DeShaun Watson, Christian McCaffrey and Jabrill Peppers. Did I forget to mention how excited I was about this draft? With those names I think you can understand why man I can’t wait. This this should be a very interesting draft, DeSean Watson I’m pretty sure will be the number one pick at least that’s what I hope, I just hope the Cleveland Browns don’t pick him because it seemes like to me, I could be tripping but it’s like the Cleveland Browns pick players and make them bums, I hope that doesn’t happen to Deshawn but again this 2017 NFL draft should be a pretty darn good one I can’t wait and oh I forget to mention my role tide. I didn’t mention any names that’s coming out in this draft but let’s just say a couple of defensive players will be coming out of Alabama and again this should be a pretty good interesting NFL draft I can’t wait to April 27th to see it all go down.
It’s been a while since I’ve Blogged, I guess it’s fair to say I didn’t have anything to say, but time has definitely changed that because I now have plenty to say. For now I will start with my Business idea, Jae Spot Media Group is the name of the business. The name came from a radio show I was doing while in school at the Ohio Media school in Columbus Ohio called the Jay spot radio show for the school’s radio station Underground Columbus. I recently thought it would be a great Idea to use the name for my business so I changed the spelling from Jay to Jae because that spelling just looks better for a business. After graduating in 2014 From from the Ohio Media school which was the Ohio center for Broadcasting at the time I, went on to persue my career as a broadcaster after many attempts I quickly learned that people wasn’t too quick to give me an opportunity so I decided to create my own opportunity with my Business Jae Spot Media Group and in creating my own opportunity I hope to create opportunities for others.
To be continued.
I was reading yesterday that President Obama took the family to lollapalooza, for those of you who don’t what the lollapalooza is, it is a big festival held in a Chicago where some of the biggest music acts in the game perform. First let me just point out that the President hanging out at an event like this is big that says a lot about our President, because what President you know that ever did something like this, not one it just shows that the president is cool and human he likes to have fun too, can you imagine what that meeting was like. Obama “Michelle get the kids ready we are going to Chicago to the lollapalooza” Malia “dad you are the coolest dad ever” Obama yeah I know that’s what I do”. cool right well here is something that’s even cooler, while at the event Malia accidently kicked an attendee at the event the person she kicked stated that she wasn’t mad in fact this was the happiest day of her life. So apparently this was amongst one of the greatest accomplishments of this young lady. she graduated from school, got married and got kicked by Malia Obama. I bet that young lady didn’t wash that spot for a week.
From pain to destiny
Kenny Jay Comedian/Writer/Radio host
What’s up world this is your boy comedian Kenny Jay. Right now I’m about to take you on a journey of my life from the beginning to present, this will be disturbing, funny, sad and inspirational. I hope to inspire and make laugh as you go with me thru this journey. Well first thing first, I was born in Prichard Alabama on May 17 1977 at 3:58 am at U.S.A Medical Center. I was premature so I came a little earlier than expected, that explains why I’m so impatient now, because I couldn’t wait I was ready to get here. I was born to Carolyn McGee and Kenneth Gilchrest. Early on I experienced struggle. My childhood wasn’t exactly what it should’ve been. At the age of six I ran away from home.
Mom wasn’t very nice to us she was very abusive physically and verbally. There were times where we would go weeks without eating. It got so bad I would go eat out of the trash can. That was some good stuff when you haven’t had any food for weeks, don’t judge me I was hungry, I did what I had to do survive. I learned survival skills at an early age. Yes mom was a little psycho she beat us, and when I say beat I mean Joe Jackson didn’t have anything on her she became famous for her but whippings she was giving out but whippings autographs. All I’m saying is she was good she was creative too, but none the less the whippings were so bad I couldn’t stay home.
That’s when the foster care system stepped in like I stated at six years old I left home and I went to a group home, Saint Mary group home for children. When I got there I felt like a little king, because I never felt that good in my life. I remember they fed me and gave me a bath, cause in was a stinky little kid, you try being on the streets for three days and see how stinky you be. This group home was like heaven to me I met some of the niceness people you want to meet they took care of me the way I should’ve been taking care by my own mother. They seemed to care more about me then she did. The staff at the group home was very upset when they took my clothes off to give me a bath and saw bruises all over my body. My back, legs and head, were all bruised This disturbed them so bad they called children services and decided keep me most of the kids that came through saint Mary’s did just that came through meaning they would eventually go back home, but I never went back home I stayed until I about 11 or 12 when my social worker got in contact with my dad.
Mrs. Yvonne Sharp became my social worker when she found out about the abusive mother I had she did everything in her will power to find some where I would be taking care of, but by this time the abuse I encountered started to take a toll on me and I started to act out and became hard to manage.
From the start
In 1977 in May on the 17th day I was born at 3:58am at U.S.A Medical Center in Prichard Alabama. Just like every baby that’s born there was a lot of excitement amongst my parents, but somewhere down the line that excitement faded away at least for my mom it did? I would love to say that I had a good childhood at least at the beginning but that wouldn’t be true the truth is as far as I can remember my childhood always been pretty rough even when I wasn’t at home. When our house burned down in Prichard that forced us to move to Mobile and that’s when I noticed that things worsened. My mom believed for so long that I was responsible for her house burning down and she blamed me for that. I believe that’s what brought about the change, but not only did I notice this change, my sister also noticed that something wasn’t right with mom. Until this day I don’t know if she was addicted to drugs or alcohol. People ask me that all the time and I can’t answer that question because I don’t know, but I do know that she did have unhealthy and abusive relationships all the men she were with was abusive. The first man was so abusive to her it hurts to talk about it. I mean he would do anything from punching her to throwing her down stairs I remember him throwing her down a flight of stairs in our home, but thank God for his grace because got she got right back up like nothing happened not a broken bone or a bruise on her body. The abuse she endured from Randy the man’s name was what I believe caused her to abuse us not to mention she also came up in an abusive home. By the time Larry came along the abuse had gotten worse and when we he came into the picture it became worse because now he is in on it and not only is he beating us he also was beating on her, so I the abuse we encountered stemmed from the abuse she endured from her past.
That is what I believe; however there are a lot of people who will disagree with me. Because they feel like anybody who would take their child thru that kind of abuse had to be on something or crazy and she could’ve been both, but I didn’t know because she did a good job at hiding that from us, so that’s why I’m lead to believe that the abuse she endured from her past boyfriends lead to us in frustration. Don’t get me wrong I’m not excusing what she did, but it had to be a reason for what she did if it wasn’t drugs or mental issues. Now I know you ready to know some of the things she did. Remember when I said she was creative with her but whippings; well let’s start with her creativity. Like every child when they are getting whipped they don’t sit still, they run around and I was the runner I guess a light bulb went off in my mom’s head. This is when creativity kicked in because decided she would tie me down to whip me. It was crazy because she would tie me to anything, one day she tied me to a bath tub now I know you thinking a bath tub, but that was back in the day when the bath tub had legs and she would tie me to the legs of that tub real good and she would say run now.
At first it wasn’t a big deal because the whippings weren’t that bad and besides she was just doing it to keep me still. At least that what I thought until the whippings got longer and worse, at first they were quick and simple then they became long and unbearable. As time went by they got worse to the point where I had bruises all over my body and knots all over my head then it went to the next level from physical abuse to starvation yes it got to a point where she stopped feeding us it would be days that I would go without eating there would be nights when we went to bed with nothing but just water. This happened so much to it resulted to me eating out of trash cans and when you hungry that stuff is delicious. I remember there was nights when I would watch my neighbors to see what she was throwing away hoping it would be some leftovers, so I could get my eat on. Schooldays I couldn’t wait for because I would make up for not eating at home and eat at school. I went to school just so I could eat that was my favorite class, but my mom caught on to it and when she did it was trouble.
When I was a little boy I had what I like to call an Ethiopian stomach that means my stomach poked out like I was pregnant. She started to check me out every day after school by making me hold up my shirt so she could tell if I had been eating yea you are hearing me right she didn’t even want me to eat at school and if she saw that I had been eating she would beat my butt, she could tell by comparing the size of my stomach from when I left for school till the time I got home. I didn’t care at least I was full yes I was soar but I was full and believe me I took a lot of those whippings because I didn’t stop eating at school. After a while my teachers started realizing something was wrong with me cause I would be eating like that was going to be my last meal, not to mention the bruises on my body, that started to raise questions with my teachers but you know when you are a kid you don’t want to talk about what’s going on at home plus I didn’t want to tell on my mom I didn’t want to get into any trouble, plus she would always tell us that whatever happened at home stayed at home.
I can’t tell you how long this went on for, but after a while that; what happens at home stays at home rule she had, went right out of the window even though I was a child I knew this wasn’t the way I should’ve been treated, so eventually I ran away from home. I’m not sure how old I was but, I like to guess I was about six years of age or maybe older, because like I stated for a while things were good at first I don’t exactly remember my age when the abuse started, but I was rather young I know that. I realized at some that this wasn’t going to get any better, and it didn’t, things got worse at that point I decided to run away. How bad could it have gotten you may wonder well remember when I said she would tie me down to whip me, one day while she had me tied down I guess she decided to change the weapon, that’s just what it was to me, she decided to change it from an extinction cord to a glass bottle that particular day she walked into my grandmothers room where I was tied up at and hit me on the head with a glass bottle.
What made that situation so bad for me, was while I was getting whipped my little brother and sister was getting ready to go to the park to have fun while I was left at home with my grandmother in really bad pain. Speaking of my grandmother she did what she could do to stop the madness that was going on in our home, but every time she attempted to do so, my mother would stand up against her and it would even be times they would get physical, when I say physical I mean they would literally get into fights yes my mom would fight her my grandmother, so after a while my grandmother just stopped trying to be the solution to the problem and became part of the problem, what do I mean by that you may wonder, well my grandmother started becoming verbally abusive toward us however it was never nothing physical. When I said my mom was good with the whippings, my grandmother was good with the words.
She would put words together that don’t belong together, they wouldn’t make any since, but when she said it somehow she made it work. Man the things she would say, they would be mean but funny at the same time we would be laughing and crying all in the same breath, and I had a mean and nice grandmother, that meant that she would say mean things to us in a nice way. One day she was talking to my sister and she was like come here baby didn’t I ask you to sit your big head self-down, well do that before I bust you in your big trampoline lip grandmamma love you with your ugly self. Ok that’s what grandma was like but we will talk little more about her later on. I felt at times I was being treated like a piece of meat at home, because when I got to this group home I felt the opposite I actually felt like as human being, but it felt strange and it took some getting used to. There were times I felt like an immigrant, you know coming from one life style to another, but eventually I got the hang of it. The one thing that was hard for me to get used to was the eating I never ate that much in my life when I found out I had the freedom to eat I ate until I fell out I knew I had the freedom to eat because this was all heard eat as much as you like I was like for real you don’t have to tell me twice I had a problem with eating fast all I heard was slow down. I had to because I thought the food was going to run off the plate. Here is how I wound up going to the group home, before I get to that let me start it off by saying there were times I can remember as a child when things got so bad I started to resent my mother. This resentment went on until my adult life I’m just now getting passed it.
However I still struggle with it. The reason why I started to resent my mom had a lot to do with the abuse, but it also had a lot to do with the fact that that when this abuse was going on, the only person who was there to protect me thru it all was my grandma I really felt protected by her there were times when my grandma would step in between me and my mom to stop her from hitting me, eventually she stopped doing that because my mom started to actually fight her for intervening and once that protection from my grandma was gone I didn’t know what to do I felt alone so I finally ran away from home I finally had had enough and decided to get away from the drama I knew it had to be a better place than this, so I went out on my journey to find it. I had been away from home for approximately a week, and one night I was at a gas station not far from my mom’s house.
It was about 12:30am one of the store clerks at the station called the police they held me there until they showed up. I remember them feeding me they gave me 2 hotdogs and a drink for free.
I believe they knew about my situation because that wasn’t the first time they did that almost every time I went there they would give me something, anyway the police finally showed up when they got there they ask me all types of questions one of the questions I remember them asking me was why was I out so late. As I begin to explain he stopped me. He noticed the bruises on my head and arms at that point there were no more questions he just put in the car and told me it was going to be alright then he went into the store and started talking the store clerk, I don’t know what was said all I know is he came back to the car and drove me to St Mary’s group home. There is where I started a new life that’s where I got everything I didn’t get home, simple things like a nice hot meal, a decent bath and a good night’s rest, not to mention love, things I never got at home.
This place made me feel like a little king, however I did have my problems just like anywhere you go there’s going to be problems, however I had no problems with the staff all my problems was with the other kids I was socially challenged I had a hard time fitting in. I got into fights I got teased, kids can be real mean I found that out once I was there, but what was crazy is a lot of these kids was just like me they all came from broken homes which somewhat of a relief for me because that’s when I knew I wasn’t alone that also explained their behavior. When I first got to group home I was a good kid, but after an awhile the bad behavior rubbed off on me. The fact that I too had come from a broken home started to get to me and I started to act out as well.
I lived in that group home up until I was a preteen and doing my stay there as I stated things were pretty rough I had a lot disciplinary problems toward the end of my stay. after I left there things in my opinion got worse because I was all over the place from home to home, camp to camp and center to center and in each one those places I had problems and they got worse as I moved, my social worker never could find me a steady placement, because of my behavior problems nobody wanted to put up with that so I had issues with staying in one spot. This went on until I was about fifteen and I think at that point things started coming together for me I had made my last move.
I was temporarily placed in a home until my social worker found me another foster home, I stayed at this place for about a month if that, my social worker (Mrs. Sharp) explained to me that this would be the last time that she would move me so I had to make it work and I think that little talk she had with me finally sunk in because I had no problems at this home the whole month I was there. This made me feel very good about myself because I never went this long without getting into some kind of trouble. Because of my good behavior at this home that enabled me to go to my foster home where I lived until I turned 18. I did have my problems though while I was there, but thanks to my foster mom whom which I call mom till this day. She was very patient with me as if I was her own child; I never knew the different between me and her own children because we were all treated the same. She would come up to the schools when I was in trouble and there would be times that she would speak on my behalf, she was always good at pointing out things that wasn’t right and wouldn’t be ashamed to let the teacher or principal know it she didn’t agree with the punishment. I mean everything a mom would do for their children she did, and God knows I needed that, because that lacked in my biological mom.
Back to the days when I was living with my biological mom which actually had been on and off and sometimes back and forward between her and my foster mom, as a child I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D which would explain my behavioral problems some anyway, because a lot of them came from coming up in a broken home, anyway because of this diagnoses I had to take medicine which doing that time was Ritalin. My doctor prescribed me this medicine, and he also stated that I was not allowed any sweets which killed me cause I love me some sweets, I was a child what child do you know who don’t like sweets when I heard the doctor say that man I could’ve died I had I fit right there in the doctor’s office.
By me having this diagnoses it caused me to obtain some crazy habits of course you know I was very hyper and hard to control at times, but one of my habits according to my mom was that “I ate a
Lot” when she told me that, I was thinking A.D.H.D didn’t have nothing to do with my eating habits it was H.U.N.G.E.R, a child that don’t eat is going to have an eating habit. When I think about it, doing that time in my childhood it was pretty good times, at least in my mind, the only good times I had in my childhood was in my dreams, well there was one good moment in reality, I take that back it was two the first is when we used to go to the beach.
I can remember going to the beach a lot, but according to my sister we didn’t go as much as I thought, so I guess the times I thought we were there (at the beach) I was dreaming again, because when we were at the beach they were good times because those were the only times we weren’t being beat up, talked about or ridiculed. The other time is when we wasn’t getting beat, which wasn’t very much, because it seem like we were always getting beat for something, but there were times and one of those times like I said was when we were at the beach. though things was good at the beach there was one incident that wasn’t so good, like I said there was no abuse in fact that’s when my mom was on her best behavior when she was in public. The incident was when my little brother almost drowned, that was a scary moment for us all I don’t remember much about that but what I do remember is my mom losing her mind she rushed to the water to save him, she was so scared and shaking up that day I do remember that and I also remember thinking we never got that kind of attention even when we were at our lowest point, I remember felling really sad. I don’t mean to sound selfish but we never got that kind of love and attention. Even when were in trouble
He was the favorite child in the family which means he didn’t endure the hurt and pain, and abuse we did. (My sister and me).though he didn’t really go through the abuse we had to endure, he had his own demons for instance his almost drowning, falling through old rotted steps of our apartment, surgery for tumors and not mention his short run he had in the streets which eventually led to his death in 2008 out of the three of us we all had our own little unique way of dealing with the abuse that was happening at home and while he never really showed much emotion I knew something wasn’t right with him because at an early age he turned to the streets to get something he wasn’t getting at home, I know I stated that he didn’t go through much abuse from mom, but as I also stated he dealt with his own demons and one of those other demons was that he witnessed what we went through, so no, there was no physical abuse on his part but there were defiantly psychological abuse he had to deal with. With all the issues he had to face I guess they became a little too much for him so he decided that it would be better to be on the streets than at home. He dropped out of school in the ninth or tenth grade and started running the streets, and that was how he dealt with the pain of it all.
However he still maintained a pretty good relationship with mom. As for me, well let’s just say I dealt with it through anger I stayed in fights I didn’t win very many of them but nevertheless I was all ways fighting with some one. Just to blow off a little steam I didn’t care if I won I just loved the rush I got afterwards and since I wasn’t taking any drugs at the time fighting was my drug. Let’s just say I was a very angry child and it carried over into school all the way trough from elementary to high school. My unfortunate situation at home made me a very unpopular student at school. There is nothing funny about abusive situation but some how some way the other kids made my situation a comedy routine and the fact that we were not welled dressed kids that didn’t make it any better. The weird thing about that is I don’t have the same old cliché you normally hear (I was so poor). You know the story no we didn’t have a lot of money but that’s not the reason why we went through what went through or even looked the way we looked it wasn’t that we was SO poor it was that my mom was crazy. Any way the kids at school weren’t very nice to us and that’s another reason I had to fight yes I did have a lot of built up anger in me, but I also had to protect my self, I had to survive I had to do something to get the kids to stop picking with me.
This may sound a little like a cliché but I guess this was the typical bully story at first you are all fragile and scared not knowing what to do then eventually you get fed up you get tired of getting beat up then you come to the conclusion that you are going to fight back. That was pretty much my story that’s exactly what happened to me I started off a little punk and ended up a big punk yes I was still a punk but I was a fighting one after a while I started building a little reputation for my fighting but not because I was good at it but because I starting to show heart. Where I’m from that’s all it took, it wasn’t about winning or loosing it was about not backing down and when people started to see that I was not going to back down they laid off me a little. By the time I went to my foster mother I was a fighting machine at the time I was completely out of control well kind of I settled down just a little, but still almost every day I was getting into a fight and like I said earlier I wasn’t always winning the fights well I guess after a while I did become pretty good at fighting and I say that because the fights went from one person to about four or five people so you know obviously I was getting jumped on. And at that point fighting was no longer fun for me it was no longer an issue of blowing off steam but an issue of surviving getting away before I got myself seriously hurt. I used to think the reason why I was getting jumped on is because I did get good at fighting I used to think I had became I threat. Yes the fights would start off with one person and as long as I was losing it stayed that way, but if I was getting the best of the person I found myself fighting a hundred people, well it felt that way this got so bad I found myself in the hospital on more than one occasion if I had to guess I probably was hospitalized about six times. It seems like everybody was standing in line to get a piece of me and when I say everybody I do mean everybody one day I got into fight in school and just like usual there was a lot of people fighting me some of these people I didn’t even know had never seen before in my life but what made this fight really weird for me is when looked up to see who was whaling on me it shocked me to see that my principle was one of those people, that’s when I knew I wasn’t a very liked person anytime the principle is beating you up. I remember thinking don’t you supposed to be helping me, it didn’t stop there it got worse at least for him it did because I remember slamming him to the ground and I may have hit him a couple of times but I don’t quit I remember people telling me I dropped him on his back and when that happened everybody involved backed off me and immediately I hear people owing and awing. After it was all said and done I found myself in the principal’s office the same person I had beat up let him tell it I beat him up that’s what he told my foster mom he felled to mention that he jumped on me and I was only protecting myself after I was already being beat up by the students then he pops up and not to help me but to actually help the students who was involved what did he expect me to do I had to get somebody and since he was there he got it.
I left Murphy which was the school I was at when I got in the fight with the principle. After leaving there I went to B.C Rain then I got in trouble there because I got caught with a pistol but it was a be-be gun and I was going around showing it off telling people it was real but the truth is my foster brother had stole it and snuck in my book bag and I didn’t know it was there until I got to school and I just went a long with it besides what was I going do, I didn’t want to snitch on my brother so I took the blame after that issue I found myself in a school for disturbed kids I forgot the actual name for those type of schools but I’m pretty I’m not the only one who went to that kind of school, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
Today I’m going on 37 and this pain has been a big factor in my adult life, but I wasn’t aware of the effect it had on me until recently. The lack of love from my mother, not being excepted in public and being rejected was something I thought I had gotten over until I tried to recently develop a friendship with a young lady and all that hurt and pain came rushing out. All this time I thought I was over it but all I had really done was cover it up. I faced so much rejection, heard so many negative words and been through so much mental and physical abuse till when I did meet someone who seemed to except me and not be about the drama it scared the devil out of me, I had gotten so used to going through so much drama and being rejected till all I could think about is why is this person not doing the same thing at some point they will say leave me alone I don’t want to be bothered or cause some type of drama. I got to a point where I started looking for something that wasn’t there and eventually I caused drama for myself till the point I did run them off. All the negative words I heard in my childhood were you are ugly, you want amount to anything, and nobody likes you. I heard all this at home and at school, not to mention the love I desired because of not getting it at home. I had such a strong desire to be loved and to love till it didn’t matter where it came from I reached out to almost any woman I could to find that love I even turned to the strip clubs pornography and prostitutes. I was desperate for love, but thank God he came into my life in 2011 and that love I had been seeking I found and man let me tell you this is a love no man or woman can provide. Since God came into my life I have had some issues I would be lying if I said my life was peaches and cream after receiving Christ, but we all know when you make a declaration to God the devil gets Mad. Thank God I kept my faith as I went through prison, losing everything I owned and mental battles I faced. Even the pain I face in my childhood God was with me through it all.
Now I’m better and stronger than ever because of everything I went through. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for the good of those who love him and God knows I love him so I have no choice but to believe that all I have been through and the things I still face will work out and that its working toward my destiny
The relationship I mentioned that I’m hoping to develop has appeared to be restored and renewed and it seems as if I have a second chance to correct my mistakes, now I’m asking God to instill wisdom and knowledge concerning this and every other aspect of my life, I can’t do this on my own I need God this is something I came to realize. Before I close I feel led to share something else I experienced in my early life. At one of the camps I was at I was molested by one of the older kids at the camp while the staff member watched. This older kid made another younger kid go down on me and all this was going on while the staff member watched I wanted to share this because this is one of the things I covered up and for so long didn’t even think about it now I’m uncovering because I want use this pain to get to my destiny.
Any pain you may face in your life don’t look at it as tragedy but look at it as destiny because the pain you endure will catapult you into your destiny you just have to allow that to happen by thanking God for your pain the minute you do that he can use you.